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  • Journey's to Awareness

“Don’t be silly…”

Updated: Jul 16, 2019

When I was about 4 years old, my mom took me to visit her aunt’s house. As we were walking up the stairs, I became extremely fearful and did not want to go any further up the stairs. My mom was holding my hand as we walked up the stairs and I remember stopping and pulling back ad saying I didn’t want to go any further. My mom told me to keep moving. This went back and forth for a while and I was getting more and more upset as my mom didn’t listen and kept insisting, I go up the stairs. I was crying and said I didn’t want to go into this room at the top of the stairs. My mom took me to the room to show me that there was nothing wrong with the room and that I was just being “silly”.

Fast forward a few years, my mom’s aunt leaves her the house and there was an issue with the deed. The issue with the deed required some research to validate ownership. We found out that one of the previous owners had hung himself in the room that I was so afraid to go near or enter when I was small.

The awareness that I had at 4 years was much greater than the awareness my mom had, what I was aware of was frightening to me but since my mom did not have that awareness, she also did not have the understanding of why I was so sacred, so she was unable to acknowledge and validate what I was experiencing. The impact to me was that I was wrong – my mom showed me there was nothing in the room so what I had experienced was not right.

#change #anxiety